Hi folks! I am back again after a week or so off due to epilepsy related complications. It would appear that I am becoming resistant to my current medication (Epilim Chrono or Sodium Valproate). I actually had six seizures in the one night last week and would not come out of them so I spent a little time in hospital and have taken some time off as my body becomes accustomed to the new drugs I have been prescribed. So I can only apologise and hope you will understand my absence last week. But now, onwards with the blog and where I left you last we met.
As I mentioned in last weeks post, the process of assessing the self is a difficult one. I have decided to share with you the ways in which I have looked at myself since I took a break over the Christmas period and the conclusions I have come to. This should hopefully give you a better idea of the type of things we need to examine about ourselves when approaching recovery as well as establishing where is it we want to get to and what are the things that are holding us back. Now, as I start with the assessment process, I ask myself what is holding me back? Lets start with the obvious…
My Brain Injury
When I suffered my ABI in August of 2009 my parents were informed that it was very unlikely I would survive. I was admitted to Southampton Hospital with a GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale) of 3 (the worst you can be) after suffering a subdural haematoma, bilateral frontal contusions, and subarachnoid blood in the basal cisterns, a midline shift and multiple skull fractures.
I am extremely lucky to be alive let alone here typing away and talking to all of you fantastic readers. I made a fairly successful recovery and have been very fortunate in terms of the effects the injury has had on me permanently. Below I go into the consequences of my ABI that I am still living with today.
- Deafness & Tinnitus (a constant ringing) in my left ear.
- Loss of sense of taste & smell.
- Diplopia in my left eye (a state of constant double vision due to my eyes being knocked out of alignment, a surgical correction took place but I have been told this correction is only temporary).
- Loss of balance (I can’t stand on one leg).
- Short & long-term memory issues.
- Slower processing of information and responsiveness.
- Social conduct and propriety (in terms of not filtering what I say before it comes out of my mouth).
- Short temper.
- Issues regarding personal space and proximity to people.
- Mental health issues – now I am not sure whether this is down to the ABI entirely. However, I am placing it on this list, as it is definitely an issue that didn’t occur until after the injury happened. The problems I am having seem to be based (mostly) around issues in my life that have come up since the ABI or are directly related to the ABI.
These are just some of the issues I am dealing with in the here and now. Some of them are physical disabilities, others are issues regarding my cognitive abilities and some don’t fit into either category (see number eleven). I know that there are more issues that I have not mentioned; I just cannot remember them all (see number six).
When I look at the list I have made and I think about each disability alone, they do not seem to be that bad, especially when I look at them in a positive note by considering what could have been. There are plenty of people who have to live with far worse things than I do after a brain injury. However, I would also say that when you put all of these things, all these afflictions together, it makes for quite a difficult lot to manage day to day. I do believe though that very few of the disabilities listed above are things that cannot be compensated for, improved upon or worked around with the right attitude and work ethic.
As a consequence of my brain injury I am currently living at home with my parents. Now, as a twenty-six year old man, this is not ideal. We only live in a small, rented house that is not really big enough for my parents and me. We’re currently living in a small village where there is little to do so my social life is non-existent and it becomes very difficult to meet people.
Having said all of this, I have to say that I will always be grateful to my parents for allowing me houseroom. After trying to live independently saw a rise in the number of epileptic seizures I was having, it was becoming clear that I needed support and that living alone was not a viable option for me at the present moment. To move back in with my parents was a difficult decision to make but I know it was the right one for me at the time. I now know that I have the support I need should a seizure occur but they are also kind enough to ensure that I have time to focus on my writing ambitions without dealing with all of the stresses, pressures and responsibilities of living independently.
One downside though is that the epilepsy has continued since I moved in with my parents and has had a pretty big impact on lots of aspects of my life. One thing you should probably know is that I am currently unemployed. I suffered many seizures while working for one of my old employers. She was extremely understanding about the situation and was aware of what action to take should one take place. At my most recent job however, I was made redundant just two days after suffering a seizure at work (the first one that I had there incidentally). I couldn’t tell you whether that is coincidence or not but it seems pretty suspect to me.
My social life is something that has suffered quite badly since I suffered my ABI. Prior to the injury I was somebody who enjoyed a good night out on the beer on Friday and Saturday night followed by a take-away, before arriving home late. This is certainly an aspect of my life that is no longer possible due to the affect alcohol has on the way and the speed my brain processes information the day after. The consumption of alcohol also makes it more likely for me to have a seizure during the following days.
I know this may sound strange (although perhaps to some people reading this it doesn’t because they know exactly where I am coming from) but I live in a town where there are very few opportunities, facilities and activities. This means that going to the pub in the evening is a big part of people’s social life. There is very little that can be done from a social perspective that does not revolve around pub life and the people in them. But what if this does not suit me? Or what if I do not want to do this or am unable to do this? What are my other choices? Go somewhere else, I suppose.
Saying that, I also happen to be a fair distance from any of the major cities, Bournemouth being the closest which is a thirty mile trip one way, so many of the social opportunities that I would like to get involved in, that suit my interests are not realistic for me to pursue or get involved in. I can not do them where I live now, I can not fund the travel to go to the venues where they take place and I am very much alone in terms of having people with similar interests.
The subjects I have covered this week are a basic breakdown of my current situation in practical terms: how my ABI affects me, how those effects make living an independent life almost impossible for me in conventional terms. Over the coming weeks I will be exploring where it is I want to be and, if I cannot get there by conventional means, what alternative routes are there available for me to take? Then I will be moving on to specific issues I have that can not necessarily be solved but be worked around and compensated for to give me, and hopefully you, a better chance at a successful recovery.