Only Lessons

Since the New Year, the majority of my posts have been focused on the life changes we have had to accept as people with a disability. The main message of those posts, Health, Independence, Employment and Taking Control Of Our Lives Back (a message I’m hoping I managed to get across accurately and clearly) was that we should not settle for less in terms of our expectations of life. The other thing I was trying to communicate was that once we get to a certain point, i.e. when we have acknowledged our disability for what it is, a disability that makes things harder for us in life, then we have reached a milestone. At this point we can really take off into different and, in some cases, slightly less tangible areas that really are about your own state of mind, the type of person you are and adopting a certain mentality regarding Acquired Brain Injury.

This post is predominantly going to be about positivity, negativity, how you see yourself and the way you judge certain situations and their outcomes (that’s what I meant by those slightly less tangible aspects of brain injury). Really, those thought processes are what can determine the degree of success that an ABI patient has in their recovery. After all, we are all individuals and we are all different and it is for that reason that I see this post as particularly important. I hope you will see what I mean by the end of it.

Failure

• FAILURE (noun) – failing, non-performance, lack of success, an unsuccessful person or thing.

Failure is a horrible and ugly word. The English Dictionary defined this word with negativity etched into that definition (which can be seen above) in all of its meanings. Taken at face value, if we were to interpret meaning purely in the academic sense and how the dictionary defines it, there is no way in which this word can be used which has any positive connotations.

For you now, as a patient, carer, family member, get yourself into a state of mind where this word no longer exists. Erase it from your vocabulary if you are in any way involved with an ABI recovery. This ugly word’s use is one that should be carefully considered taking into account the dictionary definition I have provided above, when you are dealing with anyone, let alone someone who is going to be as emotionally sensitive as a person recovering from an ABI.

So what word do we use when the inevitable setbacks that will most certainly occur rear their ugly heads? Well, what we do is we think about things in context and we most certainly do not give the outcomes of a challenges a simple a one-word definition.

Engaging With Things & Testing Ourselves

After we suffer something as traumatic and life changing as an ABI, we cannot shut ourselves away from the world. We must be brave and throw caution to the wind in trying certain things and conquering new challenges. Of course this is, again, within context. I’m not saying we should try and climb Mount Kilimanjaro, but when opportunities and challenges that we see as manageable present themselves then we shouldn’t be afraid to try them. It is all about perception and how we scale the size of the task in front of us. Weigh up the potential positive outcomes against the potential negative outcomes in line with the situation of the patient. If you feel that the overall potential benefits outweigh the potential negatives, then give it a try (if you are a patient reading this, perhaps with the help and advice of an advocate or carer). Not only does this ensure that we are out, engaging with the world but it also allows us to test our strength; find out where we are weak and where we are strong and areas where we should be focussing in terms of trying to improve.

Secondly, one of the key things I have learnt over quite a long period of time after my ABI was that recovery progression (progression is the key word there, that is what we all want for ourselves and our loved ones, progression in life) was essentially an elongated process of trial and error. Trying different things, new things and even old things that seemed unfamiliar to me post-ABI. Trust me when I say this, sometimes I came back from outings on the verge of tears because I couldn’t handle the task I had tackled and I was tired, frustrated and angry. Sometimes I had mini emotional breakdowns in public because someone had barged into me and invaded my personal space or the amount of stimulation I was getting from being in a loud, crowded street was too much. Sometimes I wanted to give up. But I didn’t.

When my parents and I realized that certain situations and tasks were too much for me to handle, we tackled something smaller. If that didn’t work out we reduced the size of the task further still until we found something manageable. Even if the task to stimulate a patient is something as simple as going to a park with a parent or carer and feeding the ducks, it is a task that the patient can do, in a relaxed atmosphere that they can enjoy. It is then a case of, when the patient is ready, moving up to something slightly bigger, something more challenging and see how they get on with that. I would also add at this point, don’t progress too fast. Communicate regularly on whether they still enjoy whatever simple task has been chosen. Or, even wait for them to ask you for a change.

No Failure, Only Lessons

I guess what I am trying to say here is that there is a steep learning curve when it comes to recovery post-ABI for patients, parents and carers alike. You musn’t be afraid of trying new things and gradually challenging yourself more and more as the road to recovery goes on. When setbacks occur for a patient tackling a challenge, do not define the outcome of it in one-dimensional terms of success vs. failure. Try to see it as a lesson learned and know that, for now at least, that challenge is too much. Take a step back, look at something smaller. Or, you may have found an area where a patient is managing quite well, a huge positive that you can jot down when planning the progression of the recovery, you now know an area where he or she is capable, that you can build from. Either way, do not judge any experience as a success or a failure but as a lesson learned. Ny learning as we go we can build up a programme that will suit the abilities of the patient and hopefully slowly build strength in areas where he or she is struggling. Remember, never success or failure, only lessons.

I hope that this post has been helpful for you. If it has, follow my blog on WordPress and join the mailing list to get them sent direct to your inbox via email. For other information on who I am and what I am about, follow me on twitter. My handle is @ABIblogger. Thanks very much for reading and I hope you’ll be back to read more.