My name is Tom; I am 26 years old and the survivor of an Acquired Brain Injury. After suffering a brain injury it is inevitable that your life will be changed. When I say this I am talking about changes perhaps in your cognitive ability, in certain physical abilities or in the way that you look at life.
The one thing you should ensure never changes, is who you are as a person. After I suffered my injury I found that the majority of my desires, passions and drives remained similar to what they were before it. Six years later, I am still working towards achieving the goals that I set myself post-ABI and slowly but surely, I am starting to get there. With persistence and determination, and just as importantly, by staying true to yourself I firmly believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to. With that statement in mind I will also share with you some of the things I have learned as I have made progress.
Nobody Knows You Better Than You
This is one of the key things you must continue to tell yourself. Off the back of a brain injury there will be plenty of people who think they know you better than you know yourself. They will think they know what you want, what is best for you both in the short term and the long-term, and in some cases they may even place a glass ceiling above you. What I mean by that final point is that often due to the issues that we struggle with as a result of our injuries, people seem to have placed limitations upon what we can achieve. A maximum expectancy, if you will. This is one of the things that I have struggled to cope with since my injury, the lack of belief people seem to have, peoples assumption that I deem it appropriate merely to “settle”.
I will give an example if I may. I am currently, as I have mentioned in previous posts, living at home with my parents. This is purely due to a combination of my epilepsy and the effects of my brain injury, which make it not only impossible but also dangerous for me to live on my own. The lack of independent living is not from a lack of trying. I have worked Jobs before, as well as living independently both in London as well as in my hometown in Dorset. After I came home from the year in London and I got settled in my new flat in Dorset I returned to the job I had been working before I moved, working as a waiter. A month or so after my return, I had an appointment with my neurologist to assess my progress. It was at this meeting when he suggested that perhaps it was time to stick to the waiting job and see how things went.
The point I’m trying to make with this example is that purely because you’re struggling with things, it does not mean you have to settle for life that you’re unhappy with all that is beneath the expectations you set for yourself. You know what you are passionate about, you know what you want today and most importantly you are aware of your own abilities and how far those abilities can take you. Nobody knows these things better than you so do not allow anybody to presume that they do. That goes for friends, family and doctors. While their advice is important and most likely well informed, they cannot possibly know what is going on inside your head.
Don’t Just Consider The Here & Now
The terrible circumstances of suffering a brain injury certainly dictate some of what we do in here and now. Unfortunately, that is inevitable. Not only do we live with the physical and mental consequences of the injury that causes problems each and every day, but also it can force us into circumstances that we did not foresee.
If, at the age of 18, somebody had asked me where I would be when I got to the age of 26, I certainly would not have said living at home with my parents in a cramped two bedroom house. However, these are the circumstances that I am in. The only way to overcome the challenges that we face and improve our circumstances, is to persevere: to get up each and every day and carry on. It took me along time to come to terms with this fact; that any progress I was going to make was going to be gradual. If you can accept these things and, as I have said in previous post, even embrace them with a positive mindset, you can go along way to insuring that what you see as a negative circumstance right now, will not affect who you are and can even be turned into a positive circumstance further down the road.
The other approach to enduring the negative circumstance is to allow anger, self-pity, and frustration to take hold of your entire being. The result of this, and I speak from experience here, is that you fall down into a dark hole of despair. For some people there is no coming back from this. So focus your energy on remaining positive and trying to look for the good things in your circumstances, because they are there and the more you focus on the positives (i.e. what you do have as opposed to what you don’t have) the less chance there is for the negative thoughts to take hold and take you to place you can’t get back from.
Things Will Get Better
It is one of the things that are really difficult to deal with on the road back from a brain injury: that progress is slow. What the above post has been trying to say, is that we always need to stay calm and think clearly. While it is in the human nature to seek instantaneous results, that is almost an impossibility with something like an ABI. To be more specific, the point I’m trying to make is that throughout the recovery you should always try, as best you can at least, to stay true to who you are. I do not believe that a brain injury dictates every facet of your life. Nor do I believe that it changes every aspect of your personality. I consider myself a person who is that different now, than the person I was before the brain injury (perhaps a little more mature and a little less naïve). You certainly should not give up on the things that make you an individual and I firmly believe you should continue with trying to achieve similar goals to the ones you had before your injury. Because the truth is, you can!