The Importance Of Family

Here I am, back again. I suppose I wanted to apologise for the last few weeks where the posts I have written may have seemed a touch negative. I feel that I don’t need to defend myself so much as explain why I have highlighted the potential damage things such as Simplifying ABI Recovery and downplaying manifestations of the injury can be to the overall recovery process. If we search for Lessons from the outcomes of challenges an ABI patient takes on as opposed to trying to give the outcomes a definitive and often one-dimensional label (i.e. a success or a failure) then everyone can learn from the experience.

What My Family & I Have Learned

I have learned that the more we (as in my family and I) attempt to understand my injury the better we are for it. Having learnt more about me, my abilities, my limitations and my strengths and then tailoring a recovery path around those things, we believe we are making slow and steady progress. It takes a long time to learn about the issues that surround ABI and an equally long time to get used to and adapt your own thinking and behaviors to a person who, very often, has been significantly altered by their injury. It also takes years of expert knowledge from some of the smartest and most intelligent doctors to really get to know who we (the patient) are and what we are about from a purely objective point of view. So imagine how incredibly hard it must be for those who are not objective but subjective and have had to bear witness to that change of personality and abilities. What the last post have been about is emphasizing the role of educating ones self and learning from experience can be to making a path towards recovery an easier one for patient and carer alike.

What Can The Family Provide After An ABI

“There’s no vocabulary for love within a family, love that is lived in but not looked at, love within the light of which all else is seen, the love within which all other love finds speech. This love is silent.”

-T. S. Eliot

The family and the home environment after an ABI, as I have stressed in my last two posts, will have a dramatic effect on the patient’s attitude, confidence, mental state and all other aspects of a person that we do not see. Or perhaps we see them only in their actions and maybe only in mere flashes, in single moments (that final thought was a sentence that only just occurred to me, just this second).

From my experiences as an ABI patient, I was fortunate enough to be provided with a relaxed, quiet environment. I was allowed to take challenges on in my own time. I was given time to relax, sleep when I wanted to sleep, I was gently encouraged to do things if it seemed I was becoming to negative or was closing myself off and shutting myself away, but I was never put under any kind of pressure. I had my own room with things that would keep me entertained during the day in a house where there was a garden if I wanted to go outside. Finally and, perhaps most importantly, I had a mother and father who were always supportive, accommodating and flexible to my needs, willing to work with my strengths and around my weaknesses, and willing to fight for me in battles I could not hope to win individually.

All of these things combined allowed me to move forward with my life after an ABI and get to where I am today. We are not a rich family, a family with powerful influence or friends in high places; we are just a close one. What perhaps I didn’t realize at the time is how extremely fortunate I am to have the family that I do around me; The father who worked split shifts – six AM until twelve PM followed by seven PM until two AM – and a mother, sister and brother who would arrange their own work schedules as best they could to ensure I was not left alone for any prolonged period of time (not always possible but they did their best and would always come and visit me after they had finished their shifts). Because for every person like me who was fortunate in this way there are plenty more people, either OAP’s, people from broken families or just people that slipped between the cracks, that don’t have the kind of support that I did.

How Does ABI Fit In To Current UK Society?

The short answer is that it doesn’t and that we are not considered or represented and our injury is thought of in society, particularly in bureaucratic and institutional terms as the same as every other disability.

Now I will give you the long answer. What I have learned, especially since it now directly affects me on a day-to-day basis, is that in recent years things have changed in British society, and from my point of view for the worse, particularly in terms of our frontline services. Due to government policy and directives as well as huge budget cuts, Doctor’s are put under pressure to provide outcomes that look good statistically rather than ones that benefit the patient and their wellbeing in the long term. NHS budgets are being cut while doctors are being forced to do more hours for less money. Outpatient services attempt to shoehorn people in to programs that are not suitable in the hope of providing some kind of suitable statistical outcome while having no real resources to provide any long-term care. Most people are ineligible for most forms of welfare due to the process now being means tested and based upon a report written by someone that has met you for one hour to conduct an “assessment”. Finally, in the past six months I can think of two separate occasions where medical professionals, while I was in a vulnerable state, have taken advantage of my situation to placate the people at the top who have set their statistical targets.

Playing To Win

Now these issues have not been as much of a problem for me because of the support I have from my family. However, if you are not in the same situation, what do you do? What would have happened to these people, if they had found themselves in the same two situations I mentioned, who don’t have the advocacy and the support that I have had to fall back on? It’s nothing short of scandalous the way that the people with disabilities are being treated in this country at the moment, portrayed as lazy scroungers or fakers, what’s worse is that that poisonous mentality is seeping into the media and into general society.

It seems as though, at the moment, with the huge financial constraints imposed by the government, any good will that was previously the foundation of things such as the NHS and the welfare state (both are things we, as citizens of the UK, have been paying for since the mid-1940’s with our taxes by the way) have been obliterated. It has now become a charade, a game of sorts. They have set the rules and if you want to win you have to play but it is vital that we have our teammates beside us, playing just as hard, if not harder than you are to ensure that you pick up the win.

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