Socialisation & Emotional Instability

Socialisation & Emotional Instability

 

Emotional balance and states of mind are a difficult thing to manage for me. I see many of my emotion precariously balanced on a knife-edge throughout my day-to-day life. There are small moments, events or incidents that may seem insignificant to other people of the non-disabled community, that they can brush off in a moment and see these incidents as merely small irritations in their day-to-day life. What I have found is that a moment, which could be interpreted as the smallest inconvenience for them, can turn out to be the blueprint that will reflect my mood and my attitude towards other people and the world at large for the remainder of the day (and in some cases a period of days).

We like to think (when I say “we” I mean all of us, people with a disability or anyone else) that we have these emotions under control from the start of our day to the end of our day. Much of what allows us to keep that kind of emotional control is (I believe) our cognitive abilities, in particular our social skills. For people who have not suffered an ABI/TBI, in essence the fully abled population of the UK, waking up in a bad mood is an inconvenience; they may be grumpy, have a slightly sharper tongue than usual and slightly less prone to socializing. What is more, when issues such as anger, mood and emotional instability become a problem they still have their cognitive abilities in tact to be able to deal with whatever the issue is. They can think around a problem, read a social situation and decide clearly what is the best way to respond and most importantly of all emotional reaction can be kept in check and (in the vast majority of cases) the person can put forward an appropriate emotional response.

Why Is That Different For Brain Injury Victims?

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I believe that there are many factors to consider in terms of the difficulties of determining an appropriate emotional response to situations for ABI patients and the potential emotional instability that we suffer from. But these I believe are the biggest contributing factors.

Firstly, I would argue that people such as myself and many reading this post who have suffered an ABI have a tendency to focus heavily on the abilities they now lack, the things they can’t do since they suffered their injury which causes a feeling of insecurity and a sense of fear that those (what we the patients) perceive to be “weaknesses” will be exposed (a point I highlighted in last week’s blog post Anxiety & Low Self Esteem and other posts in previous weeks Go Back A Step – Depression and Identifying Triggers). Fear and anxiety are states of mind that will contribute to any emotional social interaction and by-proxy emotional reaction an ABI patient has.

Secondly, something I believe to be strongly related to the first factor, people without ABI’s or TBI’s tend to be better in social situations. I am not necessarily being specific about a patient’s ability to perform, say verbal communication, tone of voice, articulation and body language but rather an their ability to read and interpret those aspects of language and communication accurately and correctly when they are delivered by other people. The skill of interpreting the codes and conventions of communication are vital to social interaction and it is common amongst recovering ABI and TBI patients that those skills can be lessened, damaged or lost post-brain injury.

Finally, something that I suffer from a great deal and that is the ability to cope with the unexpected or with incidents that can ruin a plan that a patient has arranged. I have tried to emphasize the importance of developing a routine, developing positive habits and processes that help you manage your day and living with your condition as well as trying to find things that you can enjoy each day. When these plans go astray due to outside influences, our emotional reaction can often turn out to be disproportionate to the event itself. It is a lack of ability to get to grips with disappointment, anger or whatever emotion takes hold, master ourselves and to not let the emotions that come from that event disrupt the rest of our day and the mindset we carry throughout the day.

My intention this week is to explore these particular topics in further detail and then, in the next few weeks, try and provide some helpful techniques as to how we handle the different emotional instabilities and mental health issues that can seemingly come from nowhere and ruin days, even weeks.

Social Engagement – Self Doubt

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In a society that is applying increasing pressure on people to conform, to meet a required standard in their abilities, their appearance, opinions and behavior, it is extremely difficult for people with ABI’s and TBI’s to feel comfortable with who they are, the way they act and to know if the way they are acting would be considered “normal”. This societal pressure (heavily influenced by the media) means that many ABI/TBI patients feel anxious about the idea of social engagement before it has even begun. If the activity is a pre-arranged event, I know that I myself have spent days leading up to an event fretting, worrying about how people will see me, perceive me and whether or not they are judging me. When we apply this kind of pressure to ourselves the likelihood that things can potentially go wrong in social situations increases dramatically.

Social Engagement – Communication

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I think it is safe to say, at least from my own perspective, that after a brain injury, we are fairly unsure about ourselves. For a certain period of time I would also add that we don’t understand ourselves. We have gradually recognized that there is something different about ourselves after our injury; there is something about us that is different to everyone else. I often think that our (or at least my) emotional reactions can have a tendency to ride roughshod over our cognitive abilities and for lack of a better term, “common sense”.

I have found that I will often blurt out a response in a conversation that is a statement composed entirely by my emotions can often be blurted out without any real thought of how people around me in the conversation will interpret it. The way a statement can be interpreted by people consists of many things, the statement itself, whether or not the timing of the statement is appropriate within the “flow” of the conversation (so timing, subject, the opinions of those taking part in the conversation on the subject at hand and finally the direction of the conversation), the tone of voice, the speed of the conversation, body language and so on. From my experience with an ABI all of these things can contribute to difficulties in social engagement. Mostly because of a patient’s inability to take in all of these contributing factors, decipher the meaning, think of an appropriate considered response and deliver that response with all of the contributing factors I mentioned previously applied so that other people in the conversation can interpret the correct meaning but also the fact that those people do not consider all of the intricacies of social conduct. Those intricacies have become so engrained that they do them almost automatically. Whereas for patients, many so called automatic bodily and cognitive functions have been damaged so that understanding, performing and interpreting those functions in a social setting is incredibly difficult.

What Is The Result? Emotional Instability

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Well when you consider the issues I have mentioned regarding self-doubt and the difficulties brain injury patients have when it comes to social interactions and the pressures those things ensure is that emotional knee jerk reactions can often overtake the processes of composing a measured and appropriate response.

For example, when we are involved in a conversation and (as so many of us experience) a statement we make is met with an awkward silence and the other people in the conversation staring at you, unsure how to respond, panic kicks in. The silence is deafening, we start to wonder what we have said and done, what the other people are thinking. We also feel the colour in our cheeks rise; we are embarrassed, humiliated, and angry at our inefficiency. The deafening silence continues so we try to make amends by filling the silence. We start talking again, not realizing that the things we are saying this time are just as awkward for the people listening as the last sentences were. We keep talking though like a man with a shovel who just keeps digging until finally the reaction, the looks on the faces of the other people (amusement, embarrassment, disapproval, confusion) and the overwhelming silence forces us to clam up.

Here is where the anger kicks in; we can react angrily to the people who we are talking to; “What the hell are you laughing at?” Or “Don’t you dare laugh at me!” Or we can be angry at ourselves, embarrassed and humiliated, attacking ourselves for our lack of skills, our inability to keep up with the conversation. These reactions to social engagement, ruled by emotion and reaction can be devastating to a re-integrating post-brain injury. There our many outcomes to a circumstance such as the one that is described above, each one detrimental to a patient and how they react to social engagement and how other people receive them.

The first, people can feel uncomfortable around you. These are the people I find that don’t really have the slightest clue about the type of battle we are fighting and have to fight day in day out (your true friends will understand and will know how hard this is for you and will make allowances for the social faux pas you make). The second is that you will become more resentful towards your condition, allow that anger, embarrassment and awkwardness to turn inwards so that you feel uncomfortable or even ashamed of who you are. The final one is that experiences such as the one I have described can make you unwilling to socialise and wake you more introverted. The last two issues for me are the most harmful. The ones where you start to despise yourself and your condition and become ashamed of who you are. NEVER BE EMBARRASSED OF WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE. None of us asked for this and the final two issues I have spoken about in this paragraph can lead you down a path towards isolation and loneliness which can then lead to deeper more troublesome psychological/mental health issues such as depression, anxiety or even a form of escapism through something like drugs or alcohol. All of those things are detrimental to our recovery.

Coping With The Unexpected

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I have spoken before about the importance of developing a routine and how a solid dependable one can have a really positive influence on the way we live our lives post- acquired brain injury. One thing I can say though is that too much dependence on a routine to make your life tolerable can have potentially damaging consequences. This is due to the fact (particularly when parts of your routine rely on things that are under the control of other people) that things beyond your control can disrupt your routine.

Take yesterday as an example. I woke up in the morning after having a dream. The dream was about a person (she broke my heart actually but that’s a story I wont go into) so I woke up angry, reflecting on all the ways she had hurt me and how those wounds were still sore. So I was angry before I even started the day. There are things I should have done in the morning to gather myself but I didn’t think properly, I was overwhelmed by a sadness and anger. Already, here was something I can’t control affecting me in a negative way.

After I had a cup of tea and had appropriately woken up, I decided to go into the local town where I would have breakfast and do some work in a local café (this is something I do often as the mile long walk to town gets me some exercise and gets me out of the house amongst people, both of which are important as being a writer can be a lonely profession and by its very nature is a sedentary one). I undertook the walk, with that haze of anger, frustration and sadness still hanging over me like a rain cloud. But I had my routine to look forward to; get a bacon sandwich at my favorite place (they do THE BEST BACON SANDWICHES EVER!) and a cup of tea, go to one of my favorite coffee shops where I have a cappuccino, use my E-Cigarette and listen to music for about half an hour before going to a different coffee shop to do my work.

I arrived in town, still feeling less than happy but the walk had done me some good. I went to get my bacon sarnie but as I approached the doors I saw that the blinds were down and there was a notice on the door that read: CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT – UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP. When reading this I couldn’t help but feel as though this might not be my day. I tried to continue as normal, I went to my café to try to enjoy my coffee, enjoy my E-Cig and listen to music. I tried to compensate for the absence of a bacon sandwich with a pastry in the café but it just wasn’t the same. I listened to my music, watching the other people sat outside drinking coffee and smoking REAL cigarettes (bastards! I gave up seven months ago).

My mood was moving further into decline, I was thinking about the girl, I was thinking about the lack of bacon sandwiches and cigarettes. So I moved on to my next café where I could work on my blogs, thinking I could take my mind off of things and concentrate on something else. However, when I started to write, I realized that the topic I was writing about (brain injury and emotional response) was making me think about all the other things in my life that I hate and resent. That hatred normally stays under the surface but today it was bubbling over. Then, the final nail in the coffin of the day; I received my coffee from the barista and received a luke-warm beverage. This was the climax of a day of complete crapiness. I closed my laptop left the cup of (now stone-cold) coffee on the table and walked home with thoughts of the girl that broke my heart, the effects and manifestations of my disability, the lack of bacon sandwiches, the fact that I wanted a REAL cigarette but couldn’t and the fact that someone who is paid to make coffee as a profession couldn’t make one to a suitable temperature, weighing heavily on my mind. I was so unbelievably angry at how the big things in life had all popped up at once to impact on my day combined with a series of little things aiding them in their sabotage of my emotional stability, state of mind and mental well being. This is actually the reason this blog comes to you a day later than anticipated.

That’s Life So…

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My point is that I had expected for things to go my way the other day and in many ways (nearly all the ways I can think of) they certainly did not. So from that experience I’ve had and the issues I spoke regarding socialisation earlier is that we cannot necessarily predict how life and events are going to work out for us. I think it is important that we don’t set too much store by whether or not things go well for us first time or indeed, all the time. I think that what we have to do is to try and do our best to handle situations the best that we can and not be too disheartened when things do not go our way. Equally important is our ability to overcome the disappointments, the times we do not succeed and develop an ability to come back and try again. We mustn’t allow the times where it seems as though the world is against us and we become angry, embarrassed or humiliated to dictate our actions in the future.

There are plenty of disciplines, thought processes and physical actions we can take that can improve our emotional stability as well as our state of mind and mental wellbeing that I will be exploring over the coming weeks. I hope that this has been beneficial to you all and that you will be back to read over the coming weeks. Meanwhile follow me on Twitter @ABIblogger to follow what I am up to. See you soon!Emotional Instability

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Anxiety & Low Self Esteem

Anxiety & Low Self Esteem

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This week I am moving on from depression to look at another issue I suffer with, anxiety, paranoia and low self esteem. Now, a key part of looking at anxiety in my opinion is truly defining what it is and what it means. I think that it is fair to say that one is a biological reaction that everyone suffers from to different degrees of severity when there are moments of stress or more accurately anticipation. That is nervousness. I then believe that Anxiety is a much deeper condition that is engrained in the mind and is very much to do with confidence, how we view ourselves and how view the world. I realise that description of anxiety may seem very simplified to some people but I will expand on why I think that as the post goes on.

Is it Nerves or Anxiety?

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I often think that there is confusion when talking about anxiety. I think that many people confuse anxiety with nervousness. It is very often that before a significant event that you are about to participate in you may well be nervous. You may suffer from butterflies in the stomach, light-headedness, shakes/tremors or poor communication skills. Whether you are about to deliver a speech at a work conference, participate in a competitive sporting event or approach someone to ask them out on a date. In the lead up to the event we are nervous both about our performance and the outcome.

All of the things I have said above are also symptoms of anxiety. There is, from my experience, a large difference between the two conditions though. When it comes to being nervous about something is that it is generally noted by many people (professional athletes, professional businessmen and women, professional speakers) that once you actually come to the point of performing whatever task it is that has got the nerves jangling, your body tends to react biologically, adrenaline kicks in and the nervous feeling goes away as you focus on your task rather than worrying about what might go wrong. Your mind becomes focused on participation rather than outcome; you lose yourself in the moment in what you are doing. To simplify it, nervousness is a biological response to a situation. That is how I see it anyway.

However anxiety is a condition that is very different to a person who suffers from nerves. I find when I am suffering from anxiety; I tend to look at things in a much larger and broader view. I see the consequences of my potential actions and my failures, before siting what I would do if or when that potential consequence comes around and so on and so forth. I continue to look at the potential negative outcomes of my actions and my decisions and then create a trail, a story made out of potential scenarios that haven’t even happened yet but nearly always end up with a bad outcome.When I have built this imaginary mind map, all of the things that could go wrong (in my experience) generally come from mistakes or bad decisions I would make. When Then I start to examine myself, looking at the things I am bad at, the skills I don’t have instead of focusing on all the things I am good at.

My Social Anxiety

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In the early stages of anxiety and how the condition develops (this is just my opinion, I am speaking in terms of what I think about the way my own mind works, not from medical fact) I focus on my flaws, my mistakes and my lack of skills rather than the positive parts of my mind and myself. When the lack of certain abilities sabotages us in a particular way, that memory will remain with us and so will the emotional response that came with it whether that is sadness, anger, embarrassment or any other negative emotional response you wish to think of. Those times where we have been unsuccessful at certain things or certain abilities where we are less able have been highlighted act as a catalyst for periods of anxiety. I think that much of the anxiety I suffer from is doubt in my abilities and myself and having to put myself on display in a place where those, for lack of a better term, weaknesses may be exposed.

I can also be prone to small emotional breakdowns that can strike at any moment. I think lots of people who have suffered an ABI, TBI or even a severe emotional trauma can relate to that. When stresses in public places such as (for me) an invasion of personal space, strangers approaching me, an unexpected pressure being put on me or a decision that needs to be made it affects the way I think, my social and communication skills as well as my mood. An alarm bell goes off in my head because any of those situations that occur now are a threat to my safety and my wellbeing. At this point I want to turn tail and run. I want to hide somewhere, I want to go back home, get into bed and hide under the covers where I am safe and I cannot be exposed as a cripple or a spastic or any of the other negative generalized terms that ignorant and uninformed people use to describe people with disabilities. Words that have somehow found their way into my mind that, in times of darkness in my own mind I apply to myself. It is an attack of self-sabotage. When I re-read these words I can’t help but think what a coward I am. I’m a coward for caring what these people think. Their opinions will be informed by the actions I perform and the things I say which are not always in my control and are in no way my fault.

Anxiety – Is It A Cyclical Thing?

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When I look back at what I have said regarding my social anxiety it does, it all comes back to how I view myself, my own abilities and caring about how people perceive me and my disability. The last point is what really makes me angry with myself though, why should I give a damn about what a bunch of strangers or uninformed people think about whom I am? Why should I feel ashamed of the way I am as a result of my ABI? Finally, why do I allow their opinions and thoughts to pressure me into revealing the worst manifestations of my disability? It becomes a cyclical thing; trying not to upset or offend anyone with your disability or even reveal your disability, when you’re in a situation where the consequences of your disability emerge upsetting or scaring someone with your actions or what you say, then going back to trying to hide your disability or offend or upset anyone except this time with more of a pressure on you to not reveal who you truly are. The anxiety and the pressures are amplified each time we try to hide from who we are. The best thing we could probably do is just to be ourselves and say, “This is me, take it or leave it.” But are we brave enough to do it? Are we brave enough to overcome the pressure, the anxiety and the expectations of a fully-abled society? I have proven in this section that I am not. Not yet anyway.      

Managing My Mental Health

Managing My Mental Health

What To Do Next?

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In last week’s post (Identifying The Triggers) I talked about the combination of identifying the conscious thought and memories that sparked off the chain reaction that is a negative thought pattern. Within that same post, I also mentioned the discipline of Mindfulness and being aware of ones thoughts and where they lead so that we can learn what the triggers are and discipline our mind to avoid thinking about those particular negative thoughts altogether.

However I realize that this is firstly, not a solution to the issues regarding emotional triggers that can be used in the here and now as it is a discipline that takes a lot of effort and a certain time to master (as do the many other positive meditative states that we can learn). Secondly many people will be asking, “if I choose to investigate ideas regarding meditation, mindfulness and mind training and it takes a long time to master these methods how can I help myself in the mean time?” Well, this is what today’s post is about. Using examples of my own experiences and my own triggers, I will provide examples of how I managed to work my way around everyday situations where my switches that brought on dark spells were more than likely going to be flipped. I will also talk about them in order of which most regularly affect me in day-to-day life.

My Mental Health Problems & Triggers

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Anxiety & Paranoia – This is by far the most pressing issue for me. It happens most of all when I go out in public to engage or socialize with people. Only when I return to my home, in a quiet, comfortable environment does this feeling recede. When I go out in public, particularly when there are a lot of people around, I constantly feel as though I am in jeopardy and that the people around me are a threat or are there to harm me. I think this is mainly because of how my injury occurred, an unprovoked attack on a street corner. It means that when I go out I can never really relax or be at ease. If I am going to a particular place, as many people with any issues regarding anxiety problems will say, it is not the same as something like depression where you find yourself in that state and don’t know how you got there. You are aware of the sense of uneasiness and anxiety building as you approach your destination. The sense can be overwhelming. For me it has now got to the point that even when good things happen, I often find myself bent over with my head between my knees, taking deep breaths and choking back tears. I am shocked when good things happen to me, that good things can happen to me, such is the extent of my anxiety and paranoia.

I find that the biggest external factors that influence my state of anxiety and paranoia tend to be crowded places and invasion of personal space, loud and relentless noise and long and complex conversation and questioning. In terms of internal factors, the first one is a big contradiction to the one above where I mentioned personal space. I often feel as if I am exposed, too visible and that people are staring at me or watching me. The second is that when in social situations and talking to people I fear that they are judging me and disliking me (who doesn’t want to be liked and accepted? I think that’s more the. I want to be accepted for who I am, regardless of my condition).

Despite the extent to which it affects me, I have to acknowledge that going out in public is not something that I can avoid. (As I say that, I must confess to you that the amount I go out, socialize, number of friends I have and my ability to form and maintain relationships have decreased hugely since my ABI. My inabilities to manage my emotions in social situations that are in busy locations combined with the difficulties I have in trusting people are the main contributor to this). What I can do is try to avoid the things that have a tendency to really exacerbate my mental state of anxiety. These are the steps that I take to try and ensure that I master myself in public and in social situations.

  • Arrive EarlyI always try my best to arrive early. Very often by arriving early and doing what you need to do quickly and efficiently, you can avoid the mad crowds and the hustle and bustle.
  • ALWAYS Bring My iPod When I mentioned noise and crowds and the way it makes my feeling of anxiety worse, I always bring my iPod. On my iPod I have an album of Mindfulness/Relaxation music composed especially to be relaxing. It does not have any lyrics, it is just gentle music you can absorb, not interpret and analyse. It helps me to walk through the crowds, block out the noise and be at peace in my mind.
  • Strategic PlacementWhen entering a place, say a café or pub, I strategically position myself at a table with my back to the wall where I can see the whole floor as best as possible. It eases the feeling that someone can come up behind me and I can see the other people in the place. This gives me comfort, I’m not sure why.
  • Always Do Your BestThis may seem like a fairly obvious one. I do feel that we need to try and test ourselves when it comes so socializing and see where the line is regarding how much we can handle. Very often found that at the start of a social engagement, I find myself to be anxious or nervous for one of or many of the reasons I listed above. However, I think that the more we can make ourselves comfortable at the start, the easier it is to continue when a social situation gathers speed. There are ways in which to manage anxiety throughout interaction and exchange, whether through breathing exercises, disengaging slightly and allowing other people to do the majority of the talking or just taking a step outside for some fresh air and space every now and again. I used to fear that doing these kind of things may make a bad impression and that people will found me weird or antisocial. Trust me when I say that the people worth socializing with are the ones who will understand why you are doing this and accept that, for you, it is a necessity  

Depression

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 Issues regarding depression have been slightly less of an issue for me over the last year or two. I have become less concerned by what people think of my disability and the effect it has had on me. I have found that I am quite happy in my own company. I have mentioned in past posts and in my blogging work on the Headway Worcestershire site, I have found that I am able to stand on my own two feet with just the support of my family such was the degree of which many of my so called “friends” left me to deal with the consequences.

However, as a result I would now say I am not the most sociable person in the world, mainly due to the issues with anxiety and paranoia I listed above. I don’t have that many people that I feel I can trust or confide in and I spend a lot of time on my own. To contradict the statement in the previous paragraph, when I say that I am happy in my own company, I would hasten to add that MOST of the time, that is the case.

When certain things happen in your life, whether they revolve around relationships, ambitions or just general musings about your own situation, it would be nice to have someone to confide in that is not a blood relative. There is only so much you can or even want to tell a parent or a sibling. So you look back at days where you had those confidents and that outlet simply from picking up a phone to arrange a meeting. What I’m saying I suppose is that it can be a very lonely existence.

I also have a tendency to look at the lack of spontaneity that my life has now. The resentment towards the fact that my life is now mostly dictated by a routine that my health and livelihood depends on can have a very large impact on the way that you view life. For example, the few very good friends in my life (friends from university who are scattered all over the country) are arranging a “Lads Holiday” for the summer. Now, before my ABI I have gone on a few “Lads Holidays” and I know what they entail. I know for a fact that many of the activities that would take place would not be possible for me to take part in. It is extremely painful to have to admit that by making the sensible decision for my health, my disability is excluding me from being involved in something with my best friends that, prior to my injury, would have been something I would’ve enjoyed greatly.  

Finally, the biggest regret that I think all ABI victims have is the mourning of the losses we have suffered. It is easy to become depressed by looking at the things we can’t do anymore and resenting the loss of certain skills, capacities and abilities we had. All of these things combined can have a tendency to pull my mood down and get stuck in that never-ending cycle of thinking negatively and resenting both my overall situation and myself.

Over the last few weeks I have spoken of mindfulness. I have studied the disciplines of mindfulness, positive thinking and so forth but as you see from what I have written above (which are only a smattering of the thoughts I have that affect my mood), I have clearly not mastered it so that my issues with depression and low mood are totally under control. But here are some of the ways I try to help myself when these periods of depression take control.

  • Be Pro-Active – By this what I mean is to have something that you are moving towards. I find that these ill feelings and poisonous thoughts occur most often when things in my life are static and I feel that I am going nowhere. Exert your energies as regularly as possible into things that fill you up, things that make you feel good. Don’t just do them for the sake of doing them though. Try and set yourself a goal or target to reach. It could be a target to do with your physical health, with certain abilities, employment or anything! Stay occupied and be ambitious is the advice I would give. There is no reason why we, as people with disabilities can’t achieve the things we want, the same as anyone else.
  • Try To See The Beauty In Life – This is one of the things I have found particularly over the last few months. When you look at the world try and see the beauty around you. It probably sounds corny or cheesy but it is there; the ocean, the fields, laughing children, the beauty of the world is all around us. All we have to do is find it and see it for what it is and through that lens. That life is beautiful and that it can be beautiful for us to.
  • Consume Positive Media – This plays a big part in helping me when I’m struggling with issues of depression. Depression is like being trapped in a cell with no windows, the air is stifling, it can be claustrophobic and it can even feel as though drawing breath is a chore or a difficulty. When we trapped in that cell, we need for a light to come on and a window to be opened. When we feel more comfortable and at ease with ourselves, the light becomes brighter, it’s easier to breathe and we can see the door. We can turn the handle and struggle our way out. Despite previous posts where I have highlighted the negative impact of the media and the way that television news and newspapers have portrayed people with disabilities over the last 4/5 years, media can also have a positive impact on the way we feel about ourselves and the way we see things. There are poems, books, short stories, film and music. All that tell the story of good deeds, talk about the emotions that are the antithesis to depression; love, hope, friendship, beauty, bravery, independence, doing the right thing and overcoming adversity. I find, very often, that the things we consume can be the catalyst for the light we need when we are locked in the cell that is depression.
  • Positive AffirmationAlways take a moment at the beginning of each day and at the end of each day to look at what you have done and recognize your achievements. Take even the smallest victory you have had and take the time to give yourself credit for that and make sure that you recognise that you were the one who did it. We are often too quick to pass on credit for the little things we have done to others or acknowledge that without a certain circumstance it could not have happened. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the credit for your own achievements! No one else did it, YOU DID!

Anger & Irritability

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 This has certainly become less of an issue now since I have taken more control over my own life. Over the last 9/10 months, I made the decision to focus on my blogging and writing full time so that I could control my situation. I realized that the main trigger for the anger and irritability I was suffering was down to situations I couldn’t control (customer’s at work, accidents or disorganization at work). When I returned home I would take out my anger and frustrations on my family. I realised that I needed a change. So here is my advice for those who are suffering from similar situations.

  • Take Control Most often it is an external presence that is causing the anger issues we are suffering from. For me it was work and the frustrations and other issues that came from it (I was working as a waiter!). Often people feel that this external presence can be an obstacle that cannot be passed or altered. It is absolutely not the case. We have to take control of our lives; it is just about working up the nerve to do it! Using work as an example, I found that to control the hours I worked, to not have to follow the instructions of others and not be under a pressure to present myself (in terms of my personality) to people and not have to worry about potential mishaps in that environment has helped me massively and that many of the anger issues I was suffering from have abated.
  • Have An Outlet Find a way to relieve any issues of anger you have through an outlet that is either fun or constructive. Many people use exercise for instance. Though I find that is more useful for me to relax and find piece of mind and lift my mood. My outlet in fact is a more sedentary one. I play video games. Mostly first person shooters and shooter games anyway. But this also has a second advantage, not only do I get to blow stuff up and shoot the opposition in my games, it is also suggested in research that playing video games can be beneficial post-ABI (unless you suffer from photosensitive epilepsy) as it exercises multiple brain functions at the same time (sensory function, cognitive thought via gaming strategies, co-ordination and dexterity of the hands by using the controller, and testing fatigue by how much you can play as they do stimulate the brain very much). Either find an outlet that is fun, constructive or both.
  • Draw A Line – There has to be a line where the issues of work or whatever it is that initiates these feelings of anger is drawn. There are obviously serious matters that need to be considered and have every right to make you mad, but there are certain issues you just have to accept are out of your control and should not or will not affect you.The action of others for example, which was a large issue for me, and my reaction to them, was something I had to find a way to control. The actions of customers and even work colleagues could drive me to the brink of despair. But once I got my head around the fact that I had no control over what those people do or say, the problems became less common.It is kind of like picking your battles in your own mind. There are things that we have every right to get angry about but there are some things that get us so worked up it doesn’t seem to be a proportional reaction. It’s about accepting what we can control and what we can’t as well as having a reasonable expectation of fairness and what is right.

Face to Face With Myself

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So, this is me in all my dysfunctional glory. I hope that some of the techniques I suggested in handling my mental health issues can prove useful to anyone who reads this. I realize I have droned on a lot longer than usual but I hope it will be worth it so I can try to help people tackle the nitty-gritty of mental health and actually help people find productive ways to help themselves along the way after something as life altering as an ABI. I think it is fair to say that when we know ourselves, how our mind works and where the emotional weak points are, then we will be better prepared for mastering those emotions and mental states when they start to take control. Thanks for reading. Remember; check out my Twitter page @ABIblogger and my Instagram page abi_blogger for more ABI info. Hope you’ll be back to read again soon.

Mental Health: What We’re Dealing With (Part 2)

Mental Health: What We’re Dealing With (Part 2)

Just so that people know, this post is directly following on from last week’s post Mental Health: What We’re Dealing With so if you are just starting to read my blog I would advise you to go back to the last few weeks and my writings (ideally Only lessons, Simplifying ABI Recovery, The Importance Of Family, A Cruel World In The UK. I realise that it is a lot of reading but this post is part of a larger discourse so sorry for that). My main aim of the last month or so is to try and get people to understand how we, the ABI patients, in turn making it easier for people to try and understand what it is we live with in day-to-day life. So here comes part 2.

Affecting All Aspects Of Life

Last week I spoke at great lengths regarding the manner of the changes that happen when a brain has been damaged after something like an ABI or TBI. My aim last week was to try and put those changes that are so hard to put into words into a (potentially) real life, everyday situation that people could relate to. I wanted people to see and understand the confusion that occurs after ABI, the lack of familiarity, the feeling of being out of your comfort zone, and most importantly that these changes are not a gradual decline; these changes are foisted upon you in a life changing instant.

I used memory as a subject because everybody has a memory and certain times when they forget things. Memories are a key part of who we are and it is a good way to expand upon the subject of “What We’re Dealing With” because everyone knows that feeling when you suddenly forget something that you know is important, or that frustrating feeling when you know that you know something but you can’t find it amongst the stores of other memories and information, but at least people without an ABI know it’s there to be found and where to find it.

This is the real issue after an ABI; having to learn again where different information is, finding out what information remains, what abilities you have lost and whether anything that has been lost, damaged or changed can be recovered.

Where Last Week Comes In

Last week I spoke about the brain in terms of an organ and likened it to a house, rooms that have different uses and contain different equipment, tools and information. Each room has a specific purpose and which you go to when a particular need or skill has to be accessed out of necessity and I wanted to show that after an ABI or TBI that the rooms have had items moved or swapped around or even removed entirely. The example I gave last week of making a cup of tea and being unable to find the necessary items to make it because everything had been muddled up.

As I said, I used memory as my example because the feeling is a universal one. All of us at some point have had our memory fail us but with the notion that we have all of other cognitive functions to help us retrieve the memory from a well organized fully functioning brain. But what happens when the rest of the functions AREN’T there to compensate? What if the lapse is not a momentary one, but one you have to fight against for the rest of your life? And it’s affecting many different/all areas of your brain?

Deep Rooted Confusion & Anger

The reason that I chose to use an example that everyone (ABI or no ABI) could relate to was to try and give an people an understanding of the next piece of the puzzle, something that not many people will have gone through. That is a complete questioning of who you are post-injury. The effects of the injury go from things such as what makes us who we are on a social level, the stuff that is closer to the surface such as interests, habits, likes and dislikes and so on. However it also goes far deeper, into both physical psychological issues such as emotional impairments, changes in sexual behaviors, cognitive processes, issues with speech vision and of course, physical disabilities.

Now if you can, imagine my memory example from last week and the type of confusion that would cause and think of dealing with that, alongside the issues (which are just a few ways an ABI can manifest itself) I named in the previous paragraph. All of those functions that we relied on, overnight, no longer work at the speed we want them to, in the way we want them to and in a way that we are familiar with. The point I am trying to make (and I may be making it in a rather blunt and heavy handed fashion so I apologise if that is the case) is that all of these changes are happening simultaneously and we have to find ways to deal with and cope with each individual problem while the others are there just below the surface waiting to trip us up as we go.

All of these changes happening at once lead to a deep-rooted confusion as to who are now compared to who we used to be before our injury. This is the other issue that can be often overlooked; we have a basis for comparison. We can look at ourselves before the brain injury and compare who we are now to that previous version of ourselves – the fully functioning person that did not have to deal with or think about any of these problems. For me this caused a huge amount of resentment and anger towards both the person who had inflicted my injury upon me, towards the world and its injustices in general and worst of all resentment towards myself. I resented who I was, what I had become, the unfairness that my livelihood had been taken away and at the time, the early stages of recovery, I thought this was who I was, who I would be for the rest of my days. Alongside these feelings of anger and confusion there are a whole plethora of other emotions and states of mind that came with them: loneliness, fear, nervousness, anxiety (there are many more) all about who I was now compared to who I used to be and how I had changed. When I was around people I used to ask myself: “I know I’ve changed and that I’m different, so they must know it too. What if they hate me? What if they think I’m stupid? What if they don’t love me or don’t want me anymore?”

Looking To The Future

After an ABI very rarely is there a cause for hope straight away. I personally found it extremely difficult to look beyond the moment I was in, the day I was living and experiencing. Basically what we’re dealing with after an a brain injury is a monumental, internal change both mental and physical. In the early stages as you come to terms with the types of changes I have talked about, you realise that the life you led previously is gone and you spend a lot of your days just existing, making it through the day while wallowing in and mourning your losses. However, I need to emphasise that there is a cause for hope. These last two posts have not been the most positive or uplifting ones, I am aware of that. That was not their purpose. The purpose of the last two posts has been to try and help people understand the turmoil and chaos going on inside the brains of ABI patients in the hope that I can, over the next weeks/month post useful information that can help overcome the disorder and internal conflict that can so often boil over over and spill out into the real world. I want to try and help anyone who is reading my blog to try and see that there is a future out there for you and I’m going to try and help you reach for that future and it’s successes and options so you can grab it with both hands.

A Cruel World In The UK

At the end of my last post focusing on The Importance Of Family, it may have seemed as though I was starting to wander of topic when I was speaking about the current political and media discourse surrounding people with disabilities. I do get passionate when talking about that particular topic because when I watch the TV news or read a newspaper, it always seems to be an outsider looking in and telling us what having a disability is like, how we feel and what our aims are, based on very general, blanket surveys and statistics. That’s not to say that those opinions and statistics are unimportant but it does seem as though the use of expert opinions and statistics are being used in the wrong way; it seems to me that the current government has, grabbed the wrong end of the stick. As I say it may seems as though Im’ having a political rant but it is going somewhere, I promise.

All Good Will Is Gone

I read in a recent article that the percentage of the UK’s disabled population and lives on funding from the welfare state that wants paid work was in the sixtieth percentile (which is actually not bad when you consider that approximately half of the UK’s disabled population are OAP’s). These stats have been used as a tool to cut the welfare expenditure currently being paid by the government in order to reduce the deficit and increase the current spending budget. By using this statistic they have been able to justify cutting benefits such as the DLA (Disability Living Allowance) and introducing PIP (Personal Independence Payment, a non means tested, weekly payment based on the extent of your disability and how it affects your daily life. A payment much less in terms of the amount paid and is extremely difficult to access), cuts to Carer’s Allowance and an excessively strict screening process to become a carer, the cut to Tax Credits, Housing Allowance and so much more. All of these things contribute to people with disabilities and people living in poverty feeling ashamed of their disability and/or hating themselves for being the person they are and the life they lead.

The Power of Government & Media

“Make up your own mind, don’t let other people tell you. What we are saying is take a critical view, find out about it. Don’t believe something just because someone tells you to. If somebody says something, question it and work it out for yourself.”

– John Cleese

How they have justified these actions? The current government has stated that these cuts to the welfare state are to incentivize those people that make up the sixtieth percentile of people with disabilities that want to get paid work into actually doing it. The implication of that statement is that the disabled population of the UK have not been pulling their weight, have not been trying hard enough and that their inability to find paid work is because of their own failures and laziness, not the disability that they wake up and live with every day. The idea that people with disabilities are taking advantage of a welfare state designed and implemented to look out for their wellbeing, due to a lack of incentive, as opposed to being unable to do certain things due to their condition or disability is preposterous. Especially when certain disabilities can rule you out of most and, in some cases, all forms of employment. The accusation is that people with disabilities rely on the state to help them get by in life and that this attitude of reliance on government aid and welfare support from the disabled population is unacceptable. Isn’t that the point of a welfare state though, to look after the poor the weak and the vulnerable?

For further insight into the type of cuts and welfare reforms implemented by the coalition government since 2010 and now being expanded and hammered home by the Conservative government follow this link to statistics produced by www.unison.org.uk, the public service trade union.

When this is the narrative being produced by both politicians and certain aspects of the media, it is humiliating. The implication that the people with disabilities in the UK are a bunch of lazy, scroungers taking advantage of a system put in place to help us is terrible. When it is a dialogue being discussed by those who are in positions of power and influence it is even worse because other people hear it on TV and read it in newspapers and magazines and start to believe what they are being told. This dialogue becomes a virus and spreads to the point where a stigma attaches itself to the subject of disability. In my view, the problem is that people don’t think for themselves anymore, nobody ever questions what they are being told; they seem to just accept it as truth.

How I interpret These Changes

As a disabled person who has gone through many of the different processes in welfare, health and social care, I can only speak for myself. I think though, given the current mood of people with disabilities and of the poor and working class people in the UK that I am not alone.

These narratives I have mentioned in the above paragraphs that are being fed to the UK public are demeaning and diminish our disabilities in the eyes of the general population. The new model of welfare, health and social care is one based on doing more with less (an impossible feat by it’s very wording). Access to the services is based on a fixed model, with fixed criteria and no variation or accommodation for individual circumstance.

We are at a stage where the model is almost like this; an authority, one that hasn’t met you before, places a mark on the wall at two meters. They then state that to be eligible for the financial aid and the many programs of health & social care you need, you have to be equal to or exceed this height. Anything under that, even if you’re one meter and ninety-nine centimeters high, they say: “YOU DO NOT QUALIFY. YOU ARE NOT DISABLED TO A SATISFACTORY STANDARD THAT WE HAVE IMPOSED, YOU DON’T MEET WHAT OUR IDEA OF DISABILITY IS.” What the current UK government are essentially saying is that disabilities do not include variables such as I was born this way, or (what we are here to talk about) I had a brain hemorrhage (for example) and now I’m not good at interacting with people, I do suffer from fatigue, I can’t retain information as well as everyone else. But I can walk and talk, that’s enough for me to get a job. None of the different aspects and manifestations of different disabilities seem to matter anymore. We all have to be the same in terms of the definition of disability. Does nobody else see the flaw in this model? Am I alone here?

(Very Few) Exceptions To The Rule

When the systems implemented by the government and reinforced by narratives from the media, as a person with a disability, I can say that I have since felt lousy. Authorities have told me that I do not qualify for certain aspects of a welfare and health and social care system that we pay for as citizens of the UK with our taxes (paid by ourselves, parents, grandparents and great-grandparents, mine and yours). Instead we are told that there is not enough money in the pot and ill, vulnerable and disabled people are sent out to do their duty of a hard days graft. After all, “we’re all in this together” (accept the wealthy elite who seem to see tax as beneath them).Is this what we call a civilised, compassionate democracy?

A Conclusion: How All Of This Makes Me, A Person With A Disability, Feel

Being forced into work with a disability such as an acquired brain injury wreaks havoc with your mind. I started to question myself. I had been judged to be just as capable as everyone else, so when I realized that I obviously wasn’t, I questioned why I was doing so badly (a question with an obvious answer). But the state had said to me, “your acquired brain injury and all of the ways that injury manifests itself have been measured at only one meter and ninety-nine centimeters, not enough I’m afraid to be eligible for the welfare and services you have applied for.” The way I saw it, if the state has not judged me as disabled and ineligible for support and with all the things going wrong for me, there must be something wrong with me as a person. “Are the things people at work are saying true? Am I lazy? Am I not a team player? Am I rude, inappropriate and antisocial? Why am I getting so tired when nobody else is? I always seem to forget things, why is that?” You start to question your own ability, disability and it’s manifestations and you turn any anger and hatred that was previously aimed at the disability inwards, on yourself. You start to hate yourself and think you don’t have any value when you have been sacked from a job for another mistake or for an incident which is actually a consequence or manifestation of your ABI.

When this happens our self-confidence and how we see and value ourselves plummets. These are the type of things that carers do not get to see or feel with brain injuries and in previous posts (Only lessons and Simplifying ABI Recovery) I mentioned the dangers of not seeing the bigger picture or only seeing 1 dimension of a brain injury patient’s recovery, this is the type of thing I was talking about. Finally, when talking about the role of the family in last week’s post there was something important that I missed, seeing an ABI in all three dimensions is so important because the family are the people who can help build a patient back up when he or she continues to get knocked down in unkind world.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I droned on a little this week but I really want to emphasise some of the negative influences around at the moment as next week I will be moving onto the topic of mental health. To see more of what I am doing, follow me on Twitter (my handle is @ABIblogger) or follow my me on Instagram where my handle is abi_wordpress_massey. Thanks again and please, join the mailing list and follow me on WordPress to to raise awareness on ABI & TBI.

Why We Shouldn’t Simplify ABI Recovery

This post is aimed more toward family members and those living in close contact with patients recovering from ABI’s and TBI’s. It links on quite nicely from the last post Only Lessons and was not a subject I had really thought of covering while I had been planning out my blog posts and yet here we are. Last week I spoke about the slightly less tangible aspects of brain injury recovery. These are areas that in some places, even after six and a half years when I think I have seen, felt and heard it all, still throw surprises my way. So after last week I thought very hard about what it was I had said to you and tried to add another carriage to that train of thought.

Something To Remember…

Unfortunately, much of this post has a “what not to do” kind of message. I know what some people reading this will be saying, and I completely agree with you, that “it is so hard to learn the best way to approach recovery and what to do when things become uncertain and when things don’t go right and its easy for him to sit here and type away telling people how to and how not to approach a type of recovery with so many variable factors”. If that is how this post comes across, I sincerely apologise but the truth is that, after discharge, families get very little outpatient support. It cannot be just my family and I that has seen and experienced the majority of outpatient services, for ABI patients and carers alike, and believe the majority of them to be a complete joke. So the reason I am writing this particular blog post is to try and help you bypass some of the lessons our family had to learn the hard way.

What Can Happen When We Don’t Properly Analyse The Outcomes Of Challenges During ABI Recovery?

If you happened to catch last weeks post and if you have been following me on Twitter, I spoke about not seeing and defining the outcomes of challenges as either success or failure, not to see things in that narrow, one dimensional frame of mind but try to look at the bigger picture of brain injury recovery particularly when a patient takes on a new challenge.

It is important to ask where were the strengths? Where were the weaknesses? What positives or negatives were there to take from the experience? Were there any external factors that may have affected the patient when they took on the challenge (distractions such as loud noises, crowded places, invasion of personal space)? The list of questions and factors that need to be considered when analysing the outcome of a challenge taken on by an ABI patient in recovery is huge. It is important that you think of it as huge as well because basically what happens when we don’t properly analyse and try to understand the outcomes of challenges faced by ABI patients, we think of it in simplistic terms and downgrade the severity of the condition, its long-term manifestations and consequences.

What Are The Sociological Outcomes Of This?

If we have simplified the consequences of something as complicated, devastating and life changing as a brain injury, it is inevitable that we will then simplify the outcomes of challenges an ABI patient faces down to naïve one-word definitions (as I mentioned in my previous post) such as “success” and “failure”, does it not follow the pattern that we will react in a simplistic way? It is likely, given preceding events, that reactions will be based off of emotions, or worse, based off of the abilities of non-disabled people (the reason I say that the latter is worse is due to the fact that none of us can keep our emotions in check 100% of the time). To react in a way where we compare outcomes to challenges based on the abilities of people with a disability to non-disabled people is discriminatory, plain and simple.

What Are The Emotional Outcomes Of This (For The Patient)?

To start off with, let me say that I am very fortunate to have the parents I have. Without them I would never have got through this period of my life where my world was turned upside down. They have never expected or asked for more than I could give. We have tried things and they have not gone to plan but never once was I blamed for any mishaps that have happened along the route of recovery. Any disagreements we have had or any time I have felt hard done by is when (as I mentioned earlier, emotions cannot always be kept in check).

If I may give an example, when I am suffering especially badly from fatigue my memory, speech and thought processing are particularly affected. It takes a long time for my thoughts to find the words I want, then for my brain to send them down to my mouth and for my mouth to sound out the words. My sentences become particularly disjointed and filled with lots of “err’s” and “umm’s” between words. When relaying a phone message during our recent house move, one of my parents lost their patience with me as my brain/speech was affecting my fatigue/anxiety and meant I was not delivering the message correctly. When this happened it made me feel extremely angry and a little hurt. It was only because it was one of my parents and the stressful context the disagreement occurred in that it didn’t affect me more deeply. It has happened on other occasions and when it first happened it was extremely hurtful.

 

What Can We Take From This?

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Albert Einstein

I believe that the above quote says it all. When an ABI patient takes on a challenge there will always be positives and negatives to be taken from the outcome (next week I will focus more on the positive approach methods to recovery). More importantly, there are lessons to be learned that will inform our recovery for the future. It is important to remember this and ensure that we do not allow ourselves to try and simplify a complex matter into something trivial and permit thoughts, led by emotions, confusion and a fear of change to rule our reactionary processes throughout recovery.

We, as people, are all different. The key to finding a successful route through the minefield that is ABI recovery is to be as flexible and open minded as possible and find ways to approach recovery using the tools to hand and using tools that suit the abilities, emotional state, personality and goals of the patient.

Thanks for reading. I hope you have found my post interesting or useful. Follow me here on WordPress and join the mailing list to receive the post via email every week. To stay up to date with my other goings on, follow me on Twitter (my handle is @ABIblogger) or on Instagram where my user name is abi_wordpress_massey.

 

 

Only Lessons

Since the New Year, the majority of my posts have been focused on the life changes we have had to accept as people with a disability. The main message of those posts, Health, Independence, Employment and Taking Control Of Our Lives Back (a message I’m hoping I managed to get across accurately and clearly) was that we should not settle for less in terms of our expectations of life. The other thing I was trying to communicate was that once we get to a certain point, i.e. when we have acknowledged our disability for what it is, a disability that makes things harder for us in life, then we have reached a milestone. At this point we can really take off into different and, in some cases, slightly less tangible areas that really are about your own state of mind, the type of person you are and adopting a certain mentality regarding Acquired Brain Injury.

This post is predominantly going to be about positivity, negativity, how you see yourself and the way you judge certain situations and their outcomes (that’s what I meant by those slightly less tangible aspects of brain injury). Really, those thought processes are what can determine the degree of success that an ABI patient has in their recovery. After all, we are all individuals and we are all different and it is for that reason that I see this post as particularly important. I hope you will see what I mean by the end of it.

Failure

  • FAILURE (noun) – failing, non-performance, lack of success, an unsuccessful person or thing.

Failure is a horrible and ugly word. The English Dictionary defined this word with negativity etched into that definition (which can be seen above) in all of its meanings. Taken at face value, if we were to interpret meaning purely in the academic sense and how the dictionary defines it, there is no way in which this word can be used which has any positive connotations.

For you now, as a patient, carer, family member, get yourself into a state of mind where this word no longer exists. Erase it from your vocabulary if you are in any way involved with an ABI recovery. This ugly word’s use is one that should be carefully considered taking into account the dictionary definition I have provided above, when you are dealing with anyone, let alone someone who is going to be as emotionally sensitive as a person recovering from an ABI.

So what word do we use when the inevitable setbacks that will most certainly occur rear their ugly heads? Well, what we do is we think about things in context and we most certainly do not give the outcomes of a challenges a simple a one-word definition.

Engaging With Things & Testing Ourselves

After we suffer something as traumatic and life changing as an ABI, we cannot shut ourselves away from the world. We must be brave and throw caution to the wind in trying certain things and conquering new challenges. Of course this is, again, within context. I’m not saying we should try and climb Mount Kilimanjaro, but when opportunities and challenges that we see as manageable present themselves then we shouldn’t be afraid to try them. It is all about perception and how we scale the size of the task in front of us. Weigh up the potential positive outcomes against the potential negative outcomes in line with the situation of the patient. If you feel that the overall potential benefits outweigh the potential negatives, then give it a try (if you are a patient reading this, perhaps with the help and advice of an advocate or carer). Not only does this ensure that we are out, engaging with the world but it also allows us to test our strength; find out where we are weak and where we are strong and areas where we should be focussing in terms of trying to improve.

Secondly, one of the key things I have learnt over quite a long period of time after my ABI was that recovery progression (progression is the key word there, that is what we all want for ourselves and our loved ones, progression in life) was essentially an elongated process of trial and error. Trying different things, new things and even old things that seemed unfamiliar to me post-ABI. Trust me when I say this, sometimes I came back from outings on the verge of tears because I couldn’t handle the task I had tackled and I was tired, frustrated and angry. Sometimes I had mini emotional breakdowns in public because someone had barged into me and invaded my personal space or the amount of stimulation I was getting from being in a loud, crowded street was too much. Sometimes I wanted to give up. But I didn’t.

When my parents and I realized that certain situations and tasks were too much for me to handle, we tackled something smaller. If that didn’t work out we reduced the size of the task further still until we found something manageable. Even if the task to stimulate a patient is something as simple as going to a park with a parent or carer and feeding the ducks, it is a task that the patient can do, in a relaxed atmosphere that they can enjoy. It is then a case of, when the patient is ready, moving up to something slightly bigger, something more challenging and see how they get on with that. I would also add at this point, don’t progress too fast. Communicate regularly on whether they still enjoy whatever simple task has been chosen. Or, even wait for them to ask you for a change.

No Failure, Only Lessons

I guess what I am trying to say here is that there is a steep learning curve when it comes to recovery post-ABI for patients, parents and carers alike. You musn’t be afraid of trying new things and gradually challenging yourself more and more as the road to recovery goes on. When setbacks occur for a patient tackling a challenge, do not define the outcome of it in one-dimensional terms of success vs. failure. Try to see it as a lesson learned and know that, for now at least, that challenge is too much. Take a step back, look at something smaller. Or, you may have found an area where a patient is managing quite well, a huge positive that you can jot down when planning the progression of the recovery, you now know an area where he or she is capable, that you can build from. Either way, do not judge any experience as a success or a failure but as a lesson learned. Ny learning as we go we can build up a programme that will suit the abilities of the patient and hopefully slowly build strength in areas where he or she is struggling. Remember, never success or failure, only lessons.

I hope that this post has been helpful for you. If it has, follow my blog on WordPress and join the mailing list to get them sent direct to your inbox via email. For other information on who I am and what I am about, follow me on twitter. My handle is @ABIblogger. Thanks very much for reading and I hope you’ll be back to read more.